Another day at sea

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Spoiler alert!

This post is offered with equal amounts of truth and cynicism. You know, like most things you might hear me say. If you plan to continue reading this post, please do so with these admissions in mind.

There! You see?

It’s all about the service

Here I sit, somewhere in the vast oneness that is the Pacific Ocean, somewhere between two impossibly remote places (Easter Island and Pitcairn Island), and also somewhere in a corner where I might be overlooked.

Allow me to explain.

I’m aboard a Holland America ship on a cruise around the world. I figure that the cost of the cruise should be closely commensurate with the condition of the ship, the condition of my stateroom, the quality of the food, and (maybe most importantly) the service that is offered. I’ve been aboard now for three weeks and a day, so I think I’ve experienced enough time aboard this vessel to start to make some observations and some judgements.

Condition of the ship

The Amsterdam is a proud lady. She has experience and she has grace. She has been reliable in service and her crew seems to keep her well maintained. I’ve seen maintenance crews working on repairing carpeting, varnishing wood doors, painting, grinding steel, oiling teakwood, and changing light bulbs. There are few signs of any rust, save those streaks running down my window. (Too bad, that.) The Amsterdam is a grand dame of the seas, but she is also old. Old is not bad as it is the source of her grace and experience. Therefore, I can honestly say this ship is in very good condition. Every bit as much as I am.

Condition of my stateroom

My room aboard the Amsterdam is not large. I could have chosen larger accommodations, but decided not to as I am a solo traveller. It is however, very comfortable, with enough closet space for a solo traveller, a queen sized bed, and even a bathtub (not just a shower!) which is a first in my seafaring experience. It is clean (except for that salt-encrusted window I’m always complaining about) and in very good repair. I have no complaints about the condition of my stateroom. However, if offered the Neptune Suite, I would happily make the trade.

Quality of the food

Cruise ships are well known for the food they serve. Most people fear gaining 8-15 pounds per week on a cruise because they know they’ll be gobbling up platters full of great food. The food in the dining room, as well as in the specialty restaurants onboard, looks and tastes wonderful, if a little bland. The food in the Lido Restaurant is about what anybody would expect from a buffet-style setting. The presentation is lacking there, unless you are accustomed to slightly over-warmed food haphazardly slapped down on a plate and slid beneath a sneeze guard in your general direction. However, you can obtain food there at nearly any reasonable hour and if you happen to still be in your wet bathing suit, nobody seems to care. So, overlooking the Lido Restaurant for now, I can say that the food onboard is very good and that the choices and selections of entrées at each meal is surprisingly broad. Still, I brought (and am using) my bottle of Walkerswood Jamaican Jerk seasoning, almost daily.

Offered service

The Amsterdam is referred to as a “medium sized” ship. There are about 1,000 passengers aboard. I would really have to say that the ratio of ship staff to passenger headcount is amazingly high. And, I’m only talking about the service staff, not those people working where I can’t see them! There are bartenders and drink servers, there are cooks and bus persons, there are stateroom attendants and their assistants, and they are all everywhere all the time.

That should be a good thing.

It also seems to me that, as part of their training, they have been coached to be outward, friendly, and engaging. My stateroom attendant and I are on a first name basis and I’m obliged to stop and chat with her when I see her. Not surprisingly, perhaps, I’m also on a first name basis with two of the bartenders, one on each end of the Lido deck. So, wherever I go, I’m met with a smile, a fist bump (handshaking is frowned on around here), and a hearty “Hello, sir Robert!”

Even the guy who makes sandwiches at lunchtime greets me with “Good afternoon, sir Robert!” I find this particularly amusing as his name happens to be “King.” Perhaps I’ve been spending too much time at “Cigars under the Stars” re-watching Game of Thrones episodes from the beginning.

After twenty two days aboard, I’ve even been introduced to a half-dozen bus persons who take pride in calling me by name and engaging me in light conversation whenever they see me, even if my table is not in need of bussing. Bar servers are always asking me if I need anything, if my drink is satisfactory, or if I’m planning to go to the big “disco is not dead” dance tonight.

All of these shiny, happy people are all around me, all the time, always trying to help. That should be a good thing.

So, why am I here, sitting in a remote corner of a little-visited deck hoping to be overlooked? Because, the service here is so damn good that, at times, I can barely stand it!

When it becomes difficult to read a book, or watch an episode of my favorite television show, or finish my meal before it gets cold, all because the service is so omnipresent and energetic, that’s when good service can be just too much. Sometimes I just want to be left alone and I’m finding that time to be a rare commodity.

I have much more to say on this topic, but here comes King (probably on his break) heading straight for me with a sandwich in his hand, so I doubt I’ll have much more time for typing today. It’s time for Sir Robert to lace up his social armor, draw his verbal sword, and prepare to go into battle for his precious “alone time.” I may not look as handsome as Jaime Lannister, but you might yet call me King Slayer!